My fiancés affair.

When we’re in a relationship for more than 3 years, we tend to get comfortable. We don’t really want to go out anymore and  we don’t want to dress up much. Ladies, we always got our hair in a bun and not the cute messy ones, it’s more like the ugly Miss Trunchbull buns (any Matilda fans out there?) in fact we almost turn into her as a whole. We are grumpy, unattractive, maybe puttin on more weight than what we would like. Men, you will let your facial hair grow to new extremes and try to say things like “Beard Gang” when clearly it’s more like “I just give up” gang. He doesn’t open the door for you anymore and wtf happened to all the cute texts??  Living together is a real test, you see this person in their most authentic self. You get to know them well. Almost too well like when you know what their about to say or when you ask for help to clean up the house and you know they probably won’t do it so you just do it anyway and they come out with “I was going to do it” but we both know it’s a lie.  Then the affection may slow down and it kind of hangs by a thread at that point. Ben and I get in bed and it turns into WWE so by the time we want to have some cuddle time, I’ve put the paws on him so bad that he’s worn out (He thinks he wins, but my blog, my word) anyway, I digress. Ben and I have opposite schedules. He works over night so when I get up to go to work, he gets home like an hour later. I work my 8 hours then off to an hour in traffic, I get home just in time to cook and we take turns fighting with Aiden to take a shower (I can’t stress this enough, he really doesn’t like to shower. Thankfully he doesn’t read my blogs cause he would KIIIILLLL me) while Sebs would be crying bloody murder cause it was one minute past bed time and God forbid that. Keep all this chaos in the back of your mind for a second. So I started noticing Benny would drift off into the living room for hours. His focus was on something else. After some time I became used to it but very much aware of what was going on. I would get upset cause I knew I would get 5 minutes of some love and there he would go. Yes, there he goes to sit on the couch, grabs a hold of her, turns her on, completely blocks me out with some over size pilot headphones and bye bye Benny; thee XBOX one night and the Mac Book the next. *Drastic music plays and camera zooms suddenly crashing into my forehead* . Do any of you have a partner hooked on to something so bad that you almost feel forgotten?!  Like they have a new main squeeze? Well I tried something, a few things actually.

Throw that crap out the window.

Did I really do that? No. I couldn’t cause the system actually belongs to Aiden. So instead, I would say throw it back into Aidens room. Which I did. Get rid of the distractions, at least while I’m around.

Date night and work ended at 5pm.

I’m a workaholic. If you let me I will work from 7am to 7pm or later. If I’m off early, I’m running errands. Or cleaning. Or cooking. Or yelling. Or planning something. I have to stay busy. So now we decided to have a date night. I know, you’re probably saying “ok and?  Everyone knows about date night” but no we really don’t. We say we will do it, but we don’t. Or we do it, and are on our phones the entire time. Dedicate at least that one night to eachother. Date again.  I have the tendency of wanting to work over time too,  someone once told me a job will replace you a hundred times. But you can’t replace family.  The money will always circulate, let love do so too. Thanks Vecina. So make it home on time!

Something New!

Put some pieces of paper in a hat if you guys can’t decide on something to do, each with somewhere new; restaurants, a new theatre, laser tag (one of my faves, first date with Benny & I spanked him and everyone else in there for the survival mode course), dinner at home with a new recipe, pottery class,  cooking class for you both, Paint night etc. you get my drift. Make it a new surprise for you both.

I understood. Actually, from writing it on this post.

Remember all that chaos you just read earlier? Well actually putting it out there helped me understand why Ben would dive into the games and his Mac book so much. It was his alone time & his getaway from the madness. I was always working or doing something else when I was off of work so it made total sense as to why he was having an affair (metaphorically speaking of course) but once I understood that I was in my own and not reaching out to him, I changed.  It’s great to have alone time but make time for your partner too. If you’re like me , this is something you need to be reminded of.

Work on getting out of the comfort zones.

Dress up. Do your hair. Freaking shave! I’ve had yeti legs plenty of time. Ben is such a good sport lmao. We get lazy, I get it. The kids are a lot to handle, I get it. Life in general will pull you down but if you do the date nights, this is perfect for dressing up and giving eachother something to look at again. Time to get to know eachother again, get lost in some good brain food convos.

Cute text – hello again.

Send each other cute little text again or send each other motivational text. Ben and I have been on a goal crushing streak right now so sending each other positive and motivation quotes are the best. My favorites are the post-it notes we leave around the house. Since social media is the thing, a shout out is nice but I feel like that’s the easy way out. What are you doing behind closed doors, you know, when it’s just you guys.

Le Communication.

This one will always be first, the most important, and the one that will make a difference above everything. We all know what this one means, I just wanted to remind you. Talk about it. Closed mouths don’t get fed. No ladies, unfortunately they still can’t read our minds and you know what Men, you should really work on that! 😉

The point of this all is just to let out a reminder. We all know we shouldn’t get too comfortable, we all know we should keep dating eachother no matter how long into the relationship you’re in. Relationships get rough! REAL ROUGH! But it’s easy to quit and be negative. Focus on the positives and why it does work. Maybe you just needed a reminder, maybe you just read this at the perfect time. Good Luck love birds!

14 thoughts on “My fiancés affair.

  1. daniellemomof8gmailcom says:

    I love date nights! We even have date nights where we preplan to simply nap together. Lol A nap date I call them. Just being in each others arms cuddled and catching some much needed rest. He rarely plays the video games. We have one in each room unfortunately when he does though that is when I blog. I cuddle up to him and while he plays I blog. Throwing in a random kiss or rub to the back. He does the same.

    • theemilkbarr says:

      Omg yes! Instead of completely losing ourselves in what we are doing a moment to kiss and acknowledge them sets a total different mood. Nap date? Forget movies lol this sounds more heavenly!

  2. Val says:

    Keeping it 100% real.. Love it. These are facts about marriage in young people!! But not many can make it last. Love to see another woman fighting for her place!

  3. Vecina says:

    I love love love this! What i love most about this read is knowing that your speaking from personal experience! The growth is real! So proud of you! Keep goal crushing!

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