Laaaadies. Ladies, ladies, ladies (& gentlemen – any guys who are joining us here, welcome!) Have any of you felt insecure? If I can take a wild guess, I’d say yes. Yes, you all have felt some sort of insecurity. Whether it’s your nose, maybe your lips, or height and weight. Maybe you know someone who is insecure about themselves? I’m going to throw out the cliché line now – I only ask cause you’re not alone. You’ve joined me on a few pump sessions here on TheeMilkBarr and I mean it’s only right to share one of my major insecurities because lets be real, we all struggle with one unfortunately. I mean why not? We may share the same one, who knows but I know everyone finds an outlet to help gain confidence or to help express themselves. In that case, mine is dancing and now this precious gem – blogging. I’m not looking for edible arrangements to be delivered to my house after this read. Please hold all your virtual hugs! Oh, and don’t judge me (kidding, you can do as you please). So welcome to the dark side…also kidding, I just wanted to say that.
So, as you can see in the picture above (Photo Credits to #VanityKyrstal on IG for this beautiful masterpiece) that’s me. Weighing in at 110 pounds, my hair is originally curly though, I have some big bug eyes that apparently have some Asian persuasion touch to them cause everyone will always ask if I am Asian. No, I am not Asian and from what I’m told, there is no one in my family that is. To be honest, sometimes I just say yes I am because the ladies who do my nails swear I am, so hey, I’m Asian depending on what day you cross me. I am Dominican from my dad and Panamanian from my mom, you would think I would have one of those “to die for tans” or that I can on a nice sunny day. Truth be told, I cant catch a tan for the life of me. My results end in serious aloe use and a week to recover, and doing it all over again cause I am just stubborn like that. I wear glasses and totally love the way my frames are designed now and if I don’t wear them, lets just say I may end up parking at the wrong house. So since I can remember, I was always teased about my weight. People would (and still) say things like, “You need to eat more” or my favorite, “Why are you eating a salad? Go eat a pizza!” Truth be told, I eat like a freaking hungry hyena every hour. It’s almost disgusting how much I can eat. Totally not being bragadocious! The point is I do eat, duh! It has to do with how my body is set up. I was active four days a week with dance and working out. I’m always on the go and it took my doctor to remind me of that in order for me to take a step back and stop listening to all those comments. I used to think something was wrong with me, cause I wasn’t a “thickums” like all the other girls. Might I add, you well curved women are absolutely beautiful, like for real! The good Lord knows what he does cause if I have a body like you all…oh child, forget it. Anyway, I used to think the boys in school wouldn’t like me because not only was I a bag of bones, I was a tom boy and that would make me feel horrible.
I would hear things like:
UGH you’re so skinny (cause I don’t have any mirrors at home, so I needed to hear this)
Yes, you should get another plate, cause you need to eat (because you know, I totally don’t eat guys. Fridge – on E)
You eat like a baby bird (After eating my 3rd FULL plate of food but no, no one saw that)
OMG I could just break you ( and I just smile at this one cause you know, you want to see them try)
I know how you feel. You feel ugly, not good enough, and you feel disgusting. You stand in front of the mirror thinking of ways to change yourself in order to please others and we forget about ourselves. We see the beauty that others have, but not the beauty we hold. This was me. Is this you? This is not me anymore and don’t let it be you anymore.
I’m a freakin bag of bones, and?
Its like the Spongebob episode (yeah, you know I learn a lot from that show lol) where he’s like “I’m ugly and I’m proud! I’m ugly and I’m proud!” – you must embrace it. This is who I am. I have been 110 pounds since middle school. It didn’t change than and it won’t change now. I’m petite and I’m proud! I’m petite and I’m proud!
Are they looking?
Yes, they are. I remember walking into a fitness class and everyone kind of looking at me like I didn’t belong there. Let me tell you something, being skinny does not mean you’re fit. There is definitely a difference. So take all the classes you want, get on the treadmill, or do whatever it is you like to do, whether they are looking at you or not. I stay active with fitness and dance classes, I may possibly pop up at the gym too cause it makes me feel great. So stand aside while I work these Betty spaghetti arms. We all have a goal here and remember you didn’t start off the way you look now so humble yourself!
I can wear that.
I wear leggings lol. I’ve heard people say skinny girls shouldn’t or CAN’T wear leggings. Well sorry to disappoint but I wear them. They are comfortable and when the President of the US declares the “skinny girls will not wear leggings” law then maybe I’ll consider. Till then, it’s what I want so guess what, don’t look! I also wear sweat pants out and they make me feel like the baddest b*!*! on my block. Someone out there will say “well that’s cause it’s YOUR block” and I’ll say “That’s the only block that matters”. Do you get my drift here? Now look, don’t go out there looking like a HOT mess. Be stylish in your own way. I get we have our lazy days – but I always slap some lipstick on and do a cute messy bun with those sweats so it’s not too bad.
My name is Cindy and I like salads.
I do! And while I am eating one I would appreciate it if no comments are made. How would you feel if you were enjoying a wonderfully delicious cheeseburger and someone walked up and said you should have a salad…. Don’t worry, I’ll wait. I learned that many people are just going off of what they are insecure about. That person trying to lose weight is having a hard time, also the person trying to gain is having a difficult time. You may want to be thinner and it irks you to see a skinny minny eating pizza like its nothing and want to say something like, “UGH must be nice to be able to eat whatever you want”‘ but to that bag of bones, she may be stuffing her face with all the wrong foods just to try and gain weight so people can stop commenting on her weight and she can be, “normal”. It’s really not what you think. So, if I’m eating a pizza please let me eat it in peace and if I’m eating a salad, let me!
Just tell your woman she’s beautiful. Because she is! We struggle enough on our own and with each other to have to hear you say something negative about our weight, don’t be a jerk. You may have let yourself go as well, but women tend to disregard that and just continue loving the man you are. Damn we are nice! To all the men who are charging at me with torches right now, relax- I get we are not built the same, all I am saying is stop and REALLY look. Whether big or small, she is beautiful. Just look deeper and support her in a healthy loving way.
Lift each other up. This weight thing has been an issue and will continue to be. I went to Kickboxing the other day and every now and then my demons will come out to play. As I was in class I felt again like people were looking at me, like I didn’t belong and one woman came up to me and gave me a high five and told me I was doing a great job. I was expecting the usual, “you’re so skinny! You don’t need to be here comment. So thank you lady in the pink and green tank who had some cute ass Nikes on. You made me feel welcomed.
Yep, I’m still 110 pounds today and I am in LOVE with myself. It started off with “so how am I going to love this person that I’m forced to be” to “Who is that pretty young thang?!” I have enough front and back for my body type and I love that! This is just who I am. I use to want nothing more than to be curvy and I wanted to gain those extra pounds, but now all I want is to be lil ol’ me. I’ve changed my focus from,”ugh I’m so skinny” to healthy eating and positive mental wellbeing. I’ve learned to love me for me, so that my fiancé could do so as well. Let me repeat that – I learned to love me for me. Whether skinny, in shape, or thick. – love you for YOU. We run this world regardless of how we look (sorry to say fellas but it’s the truth!) One of the main reasons we fight with our appearance is for the man. Their attention. Let’s break the ice, a man will come and go as he pleases whether you’re as skinny or as curvy as he likes. So love the skin you’re in for YOU. If you want changes done to your body, do it for YOU. Not for him, not for them. Summer is approaching and I know we want to look wine fine but give yourself some credit! Many of us just had kids, work stressful jobs (maybe more than one) and maybe deal with unhealthy situations so block the outside voices and inner demons out! Just like everything else ladies, we make it work!
Go check out the positive quotes for this week, like, share, and feel free to comment. Have you even read my About Me? Uh hello? Have you subscribed yet? No?!? Come on! Get with it! Oh and wait before you go..proud enough to share yours with me? As per usual, Good luck my beautiful friends❤️