Guess who’s back, back again, Cindy’s back, share her blog *Eminem voice – Guess Who’s Back song for all my readers who are staring at their screen with a blank stare. You have to add the tune to it and if you can’t, call me, and I’ll sing it for you. Quick side note – how many of you want to bet my friends will legit call me and ask me to sing this?
Alright ya’ll, I hope by now you all understand it is hard for me to be serious sometimes, well most of the time. I may act like a complete buffoon but one thing I was serious about was leaving social media. September 2016, I remember it clearly. I was having such a bad day and nothing was going as planned. I had an argument with Benny and it had been one of the worst arguments thus far. I won’t dish out the details cause I mean, a girl has got to keep some of her business to herself (it’s really because Benny would kill me) but I was truly having an awful day. Literally the next day I remember just scrolling down a few post and seeing smiling faces, positive quotes, and just the normal social media shenanigans and at that very moment I just impulsively decided to deactivate my IG and Facebook. I wasn’t happy at the moment and it bothered me seeing those happy people. I didn’t want to read positive quotes and I just needed to have some time to myself. I wanted to feel like it was just me. Like no one could find me. I needed this isolation.
The thing was I was scrolling on my own page and my own posts. I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. I honestly felt that way. I felt like my IG was a fake. I’d say how wonderful my relationship was when really, it was struggling. I would post how close my family was when in fact, we were close, but not as close as we wanted. My business with the past would reappear whenever it wanted to on social media and it would get very ugly. It was as intrusive as it pleased. I just felt like something wasn’t right and there was an imbalance somewhere in my universe. The first few days of not having the social were pretty rough. It’s true what they say about social media, it is the new addiction in society then, today, and for many more days to come. I felt bored and didn’t have much direction. This was instant, how could something like this have so much power? A few days after the deactivation, Ben and I took a trip to Tampa for the night to have some time to ourselves and to resolve any tension between us. No social media, just us. We went out, had a great time and capped our night off with a bunch of I love yous and romance under the stars (and this is where you all go AWWWWWW). I noticed it was raw conversation. We didn’t give each other shout outs because we made up, we didn’t throw subliminals at one another because we were fighting. We just had a fight, took a breather and talked it out. No distractions my friends. Our love and relationship was our version, just like everyone has theirs. I had lost sight of that to be honest. I worked on my relationship without having to compare it to others. We would do things and really get lost in that moment cause we didn’t yank our phones out to show how happy we were, when really we kind of needed to figure that our ourselves. It gave us time to focus completely on each other. Think about this, if you do not pull your phone out to scroll down your news feed, what else would you be doing? We get stuck on our phones, I can admit that. You get stuck comparing yourself too.
I spent more time learning who I was. I was reading more again because the time I used to sit and scroll, I was using to get lost in a book or listening to some great podcast (which I will be sharing some in the near future). I would also read a lot of articles on Pinterest too, I felt like I was learning something new every day. I was crafting more and cooking way more. You probably could do all of these things while still scrolling the posts with no issue but what I’m trying to tell you is, I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to turn it off and live my actual life. As crazy as it sounds, I just felt like I didn’t know what I liked anymore cause I was too busy liking the pictures of everyone else and what they liked. I was too busy trying to catch up to everyone else. This break gave me time to grow and I did!
I knew who my real pals were. I have three strong and hardworking women who stuck by me the whole way. No social media love just good old support and real company. They knew the truth, the good and the bad. That was satisfying for me. I felt like I could show and tell all to these select few, instead of just posting the great. Obviously I know we are not going to post the arguments and us crying up close in the camera, all I’m saying is, it felt good being able to focus on everything both bad and good. Not just how to make this picture look great – SMILE!
I was a better mother because I was actually listening to my son. I didn’t just hear him, I was listening to him. We were able to bond with no distractions. I could focus on him and his hard homework rather than scrolling down my feed on the side and letting him just figure it out. We were learning together. I am not a perfect parent. I was very young when I started (also another topic coming to a MilkBarr near you) and sometimes we all just want some time to ourselves without the kiddos coming in. Even if it’s scrolling down our feed. It was just quiet time. Aiden and I actually started doing more things together and instead of the usual phone in my hands at a red light or so, we indulged in 5th grade conversations and I honestly enjoyed it.
My favorite reason, I had a way of closing the door to the unnecessary part of the world. I can be an introvert big time! I am always under a rock, I like being alone, and I truly enjoy walking around with my headphones in and feeling like I was invisible – ALL THE TIME! So no one knew what was going on with me and vice versa. My mind was only revolving around me, myself, and I. As my pen pal Yasmine said – “you pulled a Kylie Jenner on us!” Cause I was pregnant in the dark. No one knew. Other than my three fave girls and the family of course. It was nice. I felt like I was on another planet. No one knew me and I knew no one. I controlled what came in and out of my life. Unfortunately, I had a black cloud that followed me around and would also use social media as a way to connect. I had taken all of its other powers away and a simple block just didn’t cut it. I had peace, finally.
I learned a lot. I am still learning as we all are. As of May 2018, I am back on the social and everyone was wondering why if it had been so great to be off of it. Well because now I can control it. Now I know what is real and what needs some work. I know how to just put my phone down and leave it down. Ok quick confession – lately it’s been hard putting my phone down cause after I started blogging, so many of you have reached out with great support and feedback. Plus I am a perfectionist and I’m obsessed with making sure the website is delivering the look I want and really understanding the logistics of blogging. I do not blog because I want to get paid for it (KUDOS to those who do because that’s really cool!) I do it because it’s therapeutic for me and secretly for some of you who go through the same thing. I told Benny it’s just a place I made up in my mind when I’m pumping with a bunch of other moms that are pumping and we are just there talking and venting about whatever is on the menu that night. Ladies who are not mommies, also write me letting me know it was enjoyable to read or they went through similar situations. That’s really the goal and that makes my heart happy :). So there you have it. It helped open my mind to other things. More importantly, I was able to focus on my life and my own business. Now if I want to scroll the social, I can and just turn it off without touching the phone for the rest of the night. I don’t feel the impulse to grab the phone and scroll every five minutes or just sit at a standstill. As sad as it sounds, it helped me with time management too LOL. I won’t lie in bed just scrolling anymore or I won’t sit in the bathroom, lost in my feed (I KNOW I’m not the only one so stop looking at me that way). Nope, I am not perfect. Sometimes I’ll slip and fall back in, but not for long. Definitely not for long.
The addiction is real my friends and with that being said; GOOD LUCK! If you have not done so already go read my other posts and send me any feedback you have. Subscribe if you enjoy my company! It will send you notifications of when my posts publishes and I can invade your lives for a few minutes on Wednesdays. You can also find me in the social media world floating around somewhere. If you must know though, you can find me by clicking at the end of the page; you see those pretty little social media icons? They are my keepers.